April 18 - Shallow ends

That comment,

It wasn't because you said it that angered me

But the fact of WHO would say it

I dived too deep

And now coming back up

That comment - who would say it?

Vain, Superficial, and Shallow would say it.

You are not them so stop!

Anger boiled in me until it disappeared

Because I realized

I was disappointed.

Worst thing is,

You don't understand

Because you're just

A boy

Note: Written out of disappointment and the pain that clenched in my heart for that moment .

“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”
― C.S. Lewis

When I am on the brink of confusion and awarness

I feel like I'm on the edge, just a like the edge of a cup ... or fence. You get the point. I dunno which side I'll fall into. I know the feelings are true but at the same time I deny. I go through these feelings so often that I confuse myself.

I have feelings that I store up in my heart that no one knows about except for GOD who always sees the depths of our hearts and still loves us unconditionally, which is incredible and amazing.

I want to get off this fence and walks forward but I can't . I need something that could take this all away - time. To get time I need patience.

Jan. 30, 2012

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss

Is this true? *shrugs shoulders* I think it is. =)

Christmas Cheer, Winter is here!

*.˛.°★。˛°.★** *★* *˛.
˛ °_██_*。*./ ♥ \ .˛* .˛.*.★* *★ 。*
˛. (´• ̮•)*˛°*/.♫.♫\*˛.* ˛_Π_____. * ♥ ˛*
.°( . • . ) ˛°./• '♫ ' •\.˛*./______/~＼*. ˛*.。˛* ˛. *。
*(...'•'.. ) *˛╬╬╬╬╬˛°.｜田田 ｜門｜╬╬╬╬

I'm looking forward to a merry Christmas where everyone is with their family and enjoying the peacefulness of the lovely snow slowly falling to the ground.
I'm also really busy at school because the teachers are trying to get test and project assigned and given before the big break! *sigh* ╮(╯▽╰)╭(oh, well) life of a student. They do say high school is the best time of your life as long as you want it to be, so I'll make the best of it.


I went back to my middle school today to get my poetry folder that I made when I was in grade 8. I met my teacher and I was SOO HAPPY TO SEE HER. She's still as organized as ever and she's still passionate about teaching. When she realized that I was really into filming and want to become a film director when I grow up, a teacher from next door came over and suggested that I talk to this other teacher. This "other teacher" just came back to my middle school after taking a 3 year break to direct and MAKE MOVIES! OMG I was thinking this is my opportunity that I can't pass on! My grade 8 teacher brought me to her classroom to meet her and she said we can make a time to meet and talk more about my dreams! Wanting to become a film director might be a bit of a gamble but I'm going to work hard towards it.

Don't Push Me Away, Please

Written by. BlackIris This is written in script form and V.O. means Voice Over.

V.O. (girl)
I watch him from a distance. I don’t think he notices and I don’t want him to but at the same time I want him to know that I care about him .

V.O. (boy)
I watch her as she laughs and talks with her friends. Enjoying herself. She doesn’t need me, so I tell myself I don’t need her. Truth is I …

V.O.(girl)
When did I start feeling this way? Where is it coming from? I deny it every day because I don’t feel its right but I just can’t help but think about it when I’m not on guard.

V.O. (boy)
The tiniest things remind me of her and her unique character. She’s just a friend, that’s it! She’s just a sister to me … that has to be the feeling.
V.O.(girl)
When we’re together I hope that he doesn’t see right through me. He’s just a friend. What’s the big deal? HE’S JUST A FRIEND.

V.O.(boy)
I feel like I’m getting to close to her. I have to back away. Stop making excuses to see her, talk to her, and be with her.

V.O (girl)
I feel like I’m getting to close to him. I have to keep my distance. I have to stop thinking about him, talking about him, being with him.

V.O. (boy)
If she sees all the thoughts of when I’ve been thinking about her she’ll definitely freak out. I can’t let her know – I can’t let anyone know.

V.O. (girl)
I think my friends see something. I can’t let that happen. Control yourself!

V.O. (boy)
Does she ever think about me though?

V.O. (girl)
Does he ever wonder what class I’m having?

V.O. (boy)
I memorize most of her classes but I act like I don’t know them.

V.O. (girl)
I know most of his classes he takes and when he has a spare. I even remember the order.

V.O.(boy)
I wonder at the littlest things like when she sleeps, or how she gets home after school. Why didn’t I just ask her? She’s just a friend, right?

V.O.(girl)
I always wonder what he looks like beneath his glasses? Or what his relationship with his sister is like. Why can’t I just ask him?

V.O.(boy)
I smile when she smiles and laugh when she laughs

V.O. (girl)
I laugh at the mistakes I make in front of him, he laughs with me

V.O.(boy)
I walk down the hall, and
see her. I want to say more but I don’t

V.O. (girl)
I see him when I walk down the hallway. I want to say something but I don’t because I see the way he acts towards other girls. There’s no difference in how he treats me. Something inside of me feels let down.

V.O.(boy)
I see the way she hangs with the guys. There’s no difference when she’s with me. I feel … pushed ( in realization)

V.O.(girl)
He has a sister. So probably when he’s with other girls he thinks of them as sisters too.

V.O.(boy)
She doesn’t feel like a sister.

V.O.(girl)
Does he know my hearts beats faster?

V.O. (boy)
Does she know I want to tell her more about me?

V.O.(girl)
If I acknowledge I like him, it’ll be hard for me to fall out. He’s not my ideal guy. I can’t ...

V.O. (boy)
If I give my feelings to her, will she give them back? Does she already know?!

V.O.(girl)
I can’t!

V.O.(boy)
I don’t know! (frustrated)

V.O.(girl)
But at the same time I want to -

V.O. (boy)
But inside me I do know -

V.O.(girl)
Well, he doesn’t need me.

V.O. (boy)
She’s perfectly happy without me. She doesn’t need me.

V.O.(girl)
These past few days he hasn’t talked to me as much.

V.O.(boy)
I slowly disciplined myself so I won’t as easily give in to my excuses to see her, talk to her, or be with her.

V.O (girl)
I feel like he’s avoiding me, did I do something wrong?

V.O. (boy)
I want to see her, talk to her, and be with her.

V.O. (girl)
I try to stay away from him to respect him

V.O. (boy)
I feel like she’s getting distant from me.

V.O. (girl)
I want to cry. Why? I just feel …

V.O. (boy)
It stings inside of me to do this. I’m nothing special to her, that’s why she’s distant from me but I can’t help feeling …

V.O. (girl)
I rather hurt …
V.O.(boy)
… than feel nothing at all

V.O.(girl)
It’s like a heart monitor – the beating is getting further away

V.O. (boy and girl)
Don’t push me away, please.

TWO PEOPLE (A BOY AND A GIRL) WALK PAST EACH OTHER IN THE HALLWAY, HEADS DOWN. ONCE THEY PAST EACH OTHER THEY EACH SHOW A HURT EXPRESSION.

This is about a boy and a girl and they're both afraid of telling one another their true feelings. They keep denying they like each other because they feel it's wrong. I personally think pride is the issue. I believe that when you truly love someone prides should be the last thing you think about.
Note: I'm planning on making an alternate version.

Anyways my message is, if you like someone it's not a sin but make sure you don't mix love/like and sympathy/crush together. GOD only knows who your soulmate is.

P.S. Being single is a blessing too.

LOVE

"Love at first sight is like two cosmic meteorites colliding
No skill, only luck." =) *sigh* Although I don't believe in the luck part. I believe it's fate.

You'll know that you found THE ONE when you always want to see them, you feel lonely without them, you want to give them more than your best, and that person makes it feel right to fall in love - they make you feel that choosing to fall in love is not making a wrong decision.

Agree?

GOD bless,
BlackIris